Vunerablity
Over these last few months I have been vulnerable in ways I thought wasn't possible for a person like me. I'll paint a picture for those who don't know me outside of my blog...
I like to be in control, I strive to always look the part, and "appearing" well put together is a must. Never did I want people to be able to see my pain just by looking at me, rather, I wanted them to see me and say, "she must have no worries." It was a perception I was creating, which was ultimately hurting me and distancing me from my friends and family. I feel that I was hindering the positive affect I could create just by allowing people in.
My husband feels that ever since I started this blog I have become more carefree and stronger. I think there is something to be said about that. Flare-ups can be caused by stress; I've been carrying this heavy chronic disease on my shoulders, never asking for help, not evening talking about it and all that it was doing was hurting myself even more. I can't believe the response I've received from being vulnerable. Thank you for accepting me and allowing me to have a safe place to express myself.
My friends have been amazing. I can't believe I kept them in the dark for so many years. I have to admit a few things... writing about the struggle is much easier than talking about it. When I talk about it, my face and neck get red and I can feel myself appearing to look embarrassed! My friends are ALWAYS wanting to help me by holding my bags, offering to open my juice, demanding I have the nicest place to sleep (I hope they know they are creating a diva!) - just kidding. I do sometimes feel silly when they do things for me, but I know that's their way of showing how much they care, and I love them for it!
posted by kate. at
8:28 PM
4 Comments:
Kate
My wife has RA too....so I know from "a husband's point of view" what your family is going through. STAY STRONG and LIVE LONG is what I tell her and if that means that I help her do the little things, its not taking her independence away, it is helping us for the long haul in life.
What a wonderful and refreshing point of view. Thank you for sharing, that makes so much sense and is a great moto to have for your wife. It sounds like you two are a great team! thank you so much.
I understand about RA, I had it since 2004 and have really had to change my life..The things I used to do I can no longer do like clean, wash and other chores all in the same day. Now I take my time and if I don't finish my chores that day I start on them another day. I have a wonderful husband who has been very supportive through all of this and I feel very bless to have him.
I know what you mean, and I too have an amazing husband who goes above and beyond! He lays out my pills with a glass of water every morning so I don't have to fuss with anything. But the hard part is, is that I want to be able to do the same for him and my RA sometimes gets in the way of that, you know... Thank you for your comment, we are two lucky ladies with two great men! Take Care!
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